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Looking for Death Panels – A Letter to Michele Bachmann by Craig Faanes

April 5, 2013

Looking for Death Panels – Letter to Michele Bachmann by Craig Faanes Dear Shelley During the debate in 2009 and 2010 that led to the enactment of that socialistic Affordable Care Act (you rightly called it “the purest form of socialism”) you stated emphatically that if ACA was passed the Obama Administration was going to form death panels to do away with people. Well, I have to tell you that scared the shit out of me Shelley! As soon as that black bastard in the white’s house signed that bill I started looking over my shoulder expecting some jack-booted bureaucrat to show up and waste me. In fact I...

Tea Bag Governor Rick Scott Attacked By His Own Kind for Healthcare Switch

February 21, 2013

By Craig Faanes

STEINHATCHEE, FL (Reuters) Rick Scott, the Tea Bag Anarchy Party Governor of Florida has drawn the ire of his own uneducated and illiterate kind by endorsing a key provision of the Affordable Care Act passed by Congress in 2009. Scott said Tuesday he supports expanding Medicaid and funneling billions of federal dollars to Florida, a significant policy reversal that could bring health care coverage to 1 million additional Floridians.“While the federal government is committed to pay 100 percent of the cost, I cannot, in good conscience, deny Floridians the needed access to health care,” Scott said at a hastily called news conference at the Governor’s Mansion. Scott, a former...

God’s Word vs Republican Hypocrisy

January 28, 2013

By Craig Faanes

God’s Word vs Republican Hypocrisy by Craig Faanes Tom Tyron Opinion Editor Sarasota Herald-Tribune Sarasota, Florida Dear Editor, God admonishes his believers to put no other entity before him. However Republicans have put money and guns before all else. God says love thy neighbor, yet Republicans through their television and radio messaging say only to hate your neighbor and especially if his skin color does not match yours and his politics are different. God commands us to not kill, yet Republicans glorify war. Republicans say that government helping the poor and needy is socialism. Jesus Christ said that those who follow him should help the poor and needy. Republicans say that...

Congressional Republicans Oppose Obama Oxygen Initiative – by Craig Faanes

January 10, 2013

By Craig Faanes

WASHINGTON, DC (AP). In a move gleefully reported by the Fox Fiction Channel,Congressional Republicans today voiced their staunch and united opposition to a new Obama Administration proposal to create more oxygen in America. President Obama had proposed to use scientific principles of botany, horticulture and physics to increase the supply of oxygen in the atmosphere by planting shrubs that convert carbon dioxide to oxygen beneath the wind turbines at wind energy fields. Congressional Republicans however were repelled by the idea. “What the hell does that black bastard think he’s doing,” House Science Committee co-chair Crazy Shelley Bachmann (R-MN) said as little balls of spittle formed at the sides of...

Craig Faanes Letter to Gov Chris Christie

January 9, 2013

By Craig Faanes

Craig Faanes sent the following letter to New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. “It was written in response to his unabashed dedication to doing whats right despite his party affiliation. In the letter I encourage him to switch parties. Maybe he will do so if Bruce Springsteen gives him free backstage passes to all future concerts? We can hope.” Governor Chris Christie Office of the Governor PO Box 001 Trenton, New Jersey 08625 Dear Governor Christie, Because I live in Florida this letter will probably carry very little weigh however I had to write to tell you how impressed I am with you and the way you are handling...

Fox Fiction Channel Headquarters Riddled With Gunfire – by Craig Faanes

December 28, 2012

By Craig Faanes

NEW YORK (AP). More than 300 shots were fired by an assailant at the world headquarters of the Fox Fiction Channel in New York shortly after 3:00 p.m. today. Police have surrounded the building and cordoned off a four-block area as negotiations begin with the assailant who is still barricaded inside. Surprisingly at this time, police are saying that nobody was killed in injured in the attack. An ultra-conservative fringe group calling itself “Pry My Ice Cold Fingers From This” is claiming responsibility. “I don’t know what the hell happened,” News Corp President Rupert Murdoch said from his heavily fortified 85th floor office in Lower Manhattan. “I was on the...

Senator Makes Congressional History Using Bone-Headed Tactic

December 7, 2012

By Craig Faanes

Thinking he was going to bring disgrace and shame to the Democratic majority in the Senate, Mitch McConnell tried to force a vote on the pending Republic Party induced fiscal cliff thinking the Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) would balk at the move. Instead Reid agreed to the vote and an embarrassed and stupefied McConnell had to immediately begin a filibuster of his own vote request. The tactic, quickly called the “McConnell Rule” by Hector Gomez the Senate Parliamentarian, is just the latest idiotic move on the part of the Republic Party in Congress that has been reeling in disarray and obliviousness since the November 6 re-election of...

Congresswoman Claims Obama Knows World Ending December 21 – Suspects Cover- up

November 30, 2012

By Craig Faanes

WHITE BEAR LAKE, MN (AP): Crazed and often delusional Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) stated today she has irrefutable evidence that the Obama Administration knows the world will end on December 21 but is hiding that information for political purposes. Widespread speculation that the world will end on the winter solstice has run rampant throughout the United States and other nations because of interpretations of the Mayan calendar. The National Atmospheric and Space Administration (NASA) has said repeatedly that there is no evidence, empirical or otherwise that the apocalypse will occur on that date. Congresswoman Bachmann has uncovered information to the contrary. “There is an old Kenyan saying that goes...

Obama Confirms Attempt at Third Term – Fourth Term Possible

November 29, 2012

By Craig Faanes

RICE LAKE, WI (Reuters) – Even before taking the oath of office for his second term, President Obama today confirmed his plans to make an historic run for a third term as President in 2016. “Looking at the potential field of candidates the Republicans are likely going to run in 2016, it’s obvious that someone as popular as President Obama could make mincemeat of all of them,” James Carney, White House Press Secretary said rather confidently. “Santorum again? You have to be kidding me,” Carney added while drilling a hole in the ice to start fishing. Several conservative propaganda outlets started spreading rumors of a possible third term for...

Spielberg Announces Cast for “Grumpy Old Men” Sequel

November 27, 2012

By Craig Faanes

HOLLYWOOD (Reuters) Celebrated movie director Steven Spielberg today announced that he was taking on the challenge of producing and directing the third movie in the Grumpy Old Men trilogy, this one to be called “Grumpiest Old Men.” In the new movie, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell will star as John Gustafson, the role previously performed by Jack Lemmon. Anti-tax guru Grover Norquist will star as Max Goldman, the role previously performed by Walter Matthau, and Senator John McCain will star as a new character, retired Lieutenant Colonel Kurt Finkelstein. “Lemmon and Matthau were masters of the trade when it came to being grumpy,” Spielberg said while drinking a mojito at...

Senator McConnell Claims President Will Leave Office After Second Term

November 27, 2012

By Craig Faanes

Washington (AP) – Assessing his party’s chances to make historic changes in the way government is run, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) today made the bold prognostication that President Barack Obama would serve no more than two terms in office. “I was a little southeast of disorder in my earlier claim that Obama would be only a one-term President,” a chagrined and deflated McConnell said at a press conference hosted by the Fox Fiction Channel. “In 2008 I predicted that he would be in office only one term and I did everything in my power to make that happen but it failed” McConnell spent much of the last...

Craig Faanes Letter To Allen West

November 20, 2012

By Craig Faanes

Dear Allen ... Thank GOD you finally accepted reality and conceded defeat to Patrick Murphy. Perhaps now there is a scintilla of hope that some sort of intelligence will prevail in the House of Representatives.You have been, I hope you know, the biggest total embarrassment of any congressman in the recent history of the House of Representatives. Bar none. Before you go Allen, I have a request. You have been quoted numerous times (although you will deny it even though there is photographic and video proof of you uttering this inanity) that there are somewhere between 78 and 81 known members of the communist party in the Democratic Party....

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Blog Archives

Looking for Death Panels – A Letter to Michele Bachmann by Craig Faanes

Tea Bag Governor Rick Scott Attacked By His Own Kind for Healthcare Switch

God’s Word vs Republican Hypocrisy

Congressional Republicans Oppose Obama Oxygen Initiative – by Craig Faanes

Craig Faanes Letter to Gov Chris Christie

Fox Fiction Channel Headquarters Riddled With Gunfire – by Craig Faanes

Senator Makes Congressional History Using Bone-Headed Tactic

Congresswoman Claims Obama Knows World Ending December 21 – Suspects Cover- up

Obama Confirms Attempt at Third Term – Fourth Term Possible

Spielberg Announces Cast for “Grumpy Old Men” Sequel

Senator McConnell Claims President Will Leave Office After Second Term

Craig Faanes Letter To Allen West

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