“Looking at the potential field of candidates the Republicans are likely going to run in 2016, it’s obvious that someone as popular as President Obama could make mincemeat of all of them,” James Carney, White House Press Secretary said rather confidently. “Santorum again? You have to be kidding me,” Carney added while drilling a hole in the ice to start fishing.
Several conservative propaganda outlets started spreading rumors of a possible third term for Obama even before the 2012 election. Despite the 22nd Amendment to the United States Constitution specifically forbidding anyone from serving as President more than two terms, th right wing noise machine has forwarded this scare tactic to all the knuckle-draggers who follow them.
“The Republicans have accused the President of everything from being a spouse abuser to being a Marxist, Leninist, Fascist, Communist,Socialist,Zionist, Dictator who was born Muslim in Kenya to parents that were beamed aboard the Starship Enterprise from a secret landing strip on Mars,” Carney said. “Despite all evidence to the contrary they continue to believe these giant mounds of bullshit so this time around we have decided to fight fire with fire and agree with every conspiracy theory the concoct. If that results in a few extra heart attacks and strokes, so be it. All of those maladies are covered under Obamacare so they have little to worry about.”
Reached for comment while vacationing at a nudist colony in the Dominican Republic, right wing hate monger Rush Limbaugh became visibly agitated and then ejaculated down his leg before saying “I have to stop taking all this god damned Viagra. This stuff makes me crazy and I can’t think of hateful things to say when my mind is on that 14 year old waitress I was with all last night.”
White House sources confirm that Obama is planning to flood the country with economic prosperity in his second term. He will implement and expand health care options for all Americans and he wants to set aside a corporate-funded source of money to pay for unemployment benefits of people who have been out of work more than 99 weeks. These efforts on top of continuing to pare down the war in Afghanistan while making daily progress at immigration reform and keeping America safe from terrorist attacks will make the President wildly popular by the end of his second term. Taken collectively the Obama Administration believes that America will be a better place in four years and it only makes sense to continue that prosperity into the future.
“Who knows,” Carney said, “Maybe we will pull a FDR and go for a fourth term. Malia will almost old enough to run for President after a fourth term. That will really clog the arteries of the conservatives.”
Roger Ailes, the porcine vice-president of the Fox Fiction Channel, was seen clutching his chest as one of his assistants informed him of the President’s plans for what may turn into an Obama dynasty unmatched since the Kennedy era.